Friday, May 4, 2012

Change, Expectations, Sacrifices, and Realizations

Right now I'm trying to process a lot of change, expectations, sacrifices, and realizations in my life.  I about to unpack a bunch of emotional baggage, so . . . if you didn't plan to spend your leisure reading time hearing about an old lady's problems . . . you might just want to move on.

Changes:   The three fairies have become a front and center fixture in my life, possibly for the long haul.  Last week when they stayed with their parents, it wasn't as successful as Mom #2 and I had hoped.  We're really trying to work with their parents and get the girls back home as soon as possible, but we are meeting resistance.  That's very sad to me. I'm also still struggling with parenting a young adult, since that is apparently what Baby Boy is now.  Going from "Mommy" to "Ma" is quite a change.  *SIGH*  That last sentence is going to need to be a separate blog post one of these days.

Expectations:  I am expected to morph from "grandma" to "surrogate mom" on a dime and the transition is very labor intensive.  I still have a lot of presence in Baby Boy's life, and I am trying to be a good spouse to Mom #2 as well.   Baby Doggy also has a lot of needs, LOL.  I've apparently set up a system of dependence in every life I've come into contact with . . . and now I feel stretched a tiny bit too thin.

Sacrifices:  I didn't go to school  this semester.  The semester is over next week and I think this is the first time I've "said" it "out loud."  I see Baby Boy with his books and leaving for class, and I'm soooo envious.  This has led to some very good discussions between us though.  I've really been a not-so-shiny example of how not to wait until you're middle aged to get your education.  Right now I'm not sure if I'll be able to return next semester or not.  I have a few weeks to turn in my paperwork.

Realizations:  I do realize that these challenges will not define me.  I have a FANTASTIC support system in Mom #2 and Baby Boy.  I realize that there is a sparkly lining to every situation.  I realize that we'll make it though this together, as we've made it through so many things before this. 

Boy, reading back over this post, it sounds very depressing, but I'm not depressed.  I'm actually happy to have a little clarity.  Sometimes just getting all the feelings outside of yourself helps to bring resolution to what seemed to be a perpetual problem.  Off to enjoy the day!

Thanks for being my therapist for the day!
Until next time . . .



Ami said...

You've become what so many women become (me, too)... something important to everyone without time to be who you are.

But it doesn't sound as if you've lost sight of YOU, just that you're not getting much time to be 'only you'. You're Ma, mom, mom, mom, wife, etc etc etc.

And for what it's worth, I think you're amazing.

Freakmom said...

((hugs)) I'm glad you are working on working things out. Sometimes once we get things straightened out in our brains, they seem much more stable in real life too.

Hang in there, things will fall into place for you soon. At least into a short term "in place". And stop saying you are old! We aren't old! We're getting more ripe!? Hmm, I'll work on an analogy and get back to you on that. LOL

Jennifer, in Vancouver said...

Yes, it certainly sounds exhausting! Of course it's wonderful that you're helping to raise those little girls - they are lucky to have you in their lives. But hopefully you can find a bit of time in there too! We are sending our best!

Night Owl Mom said...

I was mostly raised by my grandma (because my mother had "issues", for lack of a better word) and she was the best thing that could have happened to me. All the good in me I learned from her so I'm a little partial to stories like yours, you are doing such a fabulous thing for those kids. You don't know me but you have my support! Hang in there!

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